Saturday, April 01, 2006
2:27 AM
Why isit that i'm unable to sleep? As i pondered over it, suddenly i felt a sense of lost and emptiness(Yes, and she's not Gladys). Why, some of you might ask? Well, my reply is...don't interupt and read! Yes, i'm missing someone(and it was after reading christianna's blog, that i...), and she played a big part in my life. It was 18 years, before i finally and was on this night, this very moment, i understood why my mum said that i was blessed for 10 years. Well, is because, i got to meet someone special, a guardian angel i would say. Well, we were neither kith nor kin, yet, she brought me up well, treated me like one. Yes, Christianna, i finally understand how you felt all these while, thought i hope that it isn't too late. I feel ashamed to say that i didn't know the meaning of 'treasuring' in the past, and i deeply regret it. Auntie(the usual slang of calling you in the past) looked after me since i was 7, and althought you were very strict, i finally understood that you were trying to put me on the right path. I think, if i hadn't met you 10 years ago, i seriously don't know what i would be today. I don't think i would even be studying in a poly now. I would have been a retainee, or worse, drop out. I might not have even have embarked on my secondary school life. I'm really sorry for all the trouble i caused you in the past. Now that you are no longer around, there isn't much way for me to repay you. Now, all i can do, is to remember your teachings, and achieve my goal in life. I will not let the time and effort you spent on me go to waste. I promise you, i will work hard, and be somebody someday, and that day is drawing near.
Auntie, this post, is dedicated to you, i feel really bad, for not being able to attend your funeral, but i'll always remember you as a guardian angel for everything you have done, and Thank You, for bringing me up this far. I'll always remember your words. Auntie, not a single adjective in the entire dictionary, is enough, to express my admiration for you. And i've always loved your cooking, althought now is too late, for me to do all that now. Nice or not nice, also must eat! Is sinful to waste food!
And Christianna, if you ever come across this, know that you are not the only one, who's feeling so lost.
Love
Jestyn
im torn between
silence & violent expression
