Thursday, May 25, 2006
12:02 AM
I'm so tired,
So very tired.
Whoever is up there,
Please, for once,
Listen, if not
answer my message.
I'm really very tired.
I feel so drained of
all my strength and willpower
that I onced possess or
ever trained for.
It like, I can't seem to
get out of this dark abyss
that I've willingly stepped into.
An abyss that i told myself
that must be avoided,
that i can avoid it.
But alas,
I'm simply too weak,
of mind, and of soul.
She's my everything,
one that i would've
willingly gave up
everything for.
But does she reciprocates?
I don't know.
On the surface,
all I see, is the bitterness
and chill of the Long Winter.
Where is the warmth and sunshine
that once premates everything in you?
Everything that i ever saw in you.
Each time you walk past,
all that i felt is cold, chilled air.
When was the last time i saw the
warmth in your eyes?
When was the last time i heard the
innocence of your laughter?
I so wish to give you up.
But I can't.
I so wish to forget you.
Yet I can't.
Why can't I be strong enough?
I'm such a failure.
Sometimes I wonder,
Why is it that,
if we are not meant to
be together,
why do our paths cross?
Are the Higer-ups up there
making sport of me?
I wonder.
Seriously.
Many told me to give you up.
And not without good reason.
I never could.
I will wait for the day,
for the courage to say
how much I love you.
If anyone up there receive this message,
please, send me a sign, or show me a
signal that you've heard and understood.
I once came upon this short story. It's pretty short, but it's very touching.
A man and God was walking along the beach together.
And each time he turned back, he would see 2 pairs of footprints.
However, when he was at the lowest point of his life, he looked back,
and saw only 1 pair of footprints.
And he asked God, 'God, why is it that when i'm at the lowest point of my life, you abandoned me?'
To which God replies, 'My son, when you were at the lowest point of your life, and you saw only 1 pair of footprints, that's when I carried you.'
im torn between
silence & violent expression
